There was this popular TED that divided people into two sides. Ones who know themselves as lovelable and those who do not. These are my highlights on reading Daring Greatly. I read this book because I often get the feedback about speaking up, to be seen, to share more of myself with the world and I know inside my heart, I should want more from the world. I want to dare greatly, I just don’t know how.
What was it holding me back? Who or what has my voice? Is it lost? What kind of person dares greatly?
They are worthy #
Those who feel lovable, who love, and who experience belonging simply believe they are worthy of love and belonging. They don’t have better or easier lives, they don’t have fewer struggles with addiction or depression, and they haven’t survived fewer traumas or bankruptcies or divorces, but in the midst of all of these struggles, they have developed practices that enable them to hold on to the belief that they are worthy of love, belonging, and even joy.
The question to ask is, do you see yourself worthy of love and belonging? They don't have better or easier lives, they don't have fewer struggles. In an environment where everything is the same for two people except their notion of worthiness, the person who perceives themself as loveable will be more likely to take the risk that a screw up will not be as catastrophic or deadly, to dare greatly. At the end of the day they know are still loved. Those on the other side are more apprehensive, the fear of failing holds them back unconsiously from learning, growing and taking action. Its much safer in a space where there are things you can control, where all the variable are known and mitigated, preserving the image, as they rise to just okay.
They are vulnerable #
One thing that loved people do is be vulnerable with others who have earned the right. Sharing pieces of yourself, your opinions and random thoughts is terrifying. Its like exposing your inner self, to open yourself up for criticism and disappoint those around you. How could you know that folks on the receiving end won’t recoil in disgust or flee or disparage? You don’t.
Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. Being vulnerable and open is mutual and an integral part of the trust-building process.
Trust is a product of vulnerability that grows over time and requires work, attention, and full engagement. Trust isn’t a grand gesture—it’s a growing marble collection.
They have found people who find themselves lovable, and can be vulnerable with. They have built up trust with others by being vulnerable with them, one experience at a time. Its a tough search, on that involves risk and pain. It also takes time, a lot of time. But every little bit, can build to a foundation where we can just be, to stand freely, and dare greatly.
We are they #
When our self-worth isn’t on the line, we are far more willing to be courageous and risk sharing our raw talents and gifts.
Take this mental model: those who feel lovable can dare greatly. They can dare because their self-worth is not on the line, its not at risk of shattering based on the choices you make. You migth be held back by your past choices, the labels you take on, what you’ve become.
You are not a bad person, you are a person who have made bad choices. Guess what, tomorrow, the next moment, you can decide what choice to make. Good or bad. Each choice is a step towards the kind of person you want to become. One day look back and see how many good choices vs bad choices you’ve made. Your choices creates your character, and your actions sets them in.
Beloved #
You are worthy of love and belonging. If you don’t have an understanding of your worth today, its possible to discovering it. Find others that will show it to you, despite how you may perform, act, look. It is hard to find, even rare. Totally worth it. Share a little about yourself, be vulnerable, and be this kind of person to someone else. See them as loveable, as belonging; while many others may not reciprocate, or respond kindly, you’ll eventually find them. Be loved.
Photo by Amer Mughawish on Unsplash